cp816 The One with Finch the Dinosaur
by Crissov
Summary: altering the storyline after 815: After Joey told Ross about his feelings regarding Rachel, Ross somehow tries to prepare her for it. Meanwhile Rachel discovers one of Ross's cutest secrets. The rest of the gang is backing them up in each own's way.


**Friends - 816cp - TOW Finch the Dinosaur**

_As English is not my mother tongue and it's difficult to think like 6 different people plus fate, please excuse my errors and imagine a better fitting grammar or word at times you think (S)he wouldn't say that!. Thanks. Actually there're funny filler sentences missing, so this episode might seem very short, although there's a lot happening. Enough for the rest of the season maybe._

(_I don't know how to continue the Central Perk Joey & Ross scene, i.e. the words, thus I'm leaving it out. You'll see later what happened, though._)
**Ross & Rachel's. It's still Valentine's Day. Evening. Rachel's sitting on the sofa watching Chandler & Monica's Valentine's porn and eating cornflakes right out of the box.**
**Ross** (depressed): 
     [_Opens the door, still carries the cup of warm milk from Central Perk._]
**Rachel**: 
     [_Realizes the door opening, quickly puts the box away from her tummy and hastes for the remote control, hindered by her 'size'._]
**Ross** (puzzled): 
    Wha- Were you just watching porn?
**Rachel**: 
    No?!
**Ross** (small dirty smile): 
    Yes, you were. Why are you watching it?
(_I keep thinking of a Joey-like Ross here_)
**Rachel**: 
    No! It's not porn. Actually it's the birthing video of a friend of Phoebe's. Her name's Cookie. I don't think you want to watch that with me, don't you?
**Ross**: 
    Rache, I've joined a birth and, you know, I had sex -- I know the difference between the sounds. But, we can watch the birth, if you want. [_heads to VCR to shove the cassette back in_]
**Rachel**: 
    O-kay, it's porn. But it's not mine, it's Monica's!
**Ross**: 
    Yeah, right.
**Rachel**: 
    Truth! She got it for Chandler for Valentine's.
**Ross**: 
    As if I would have wanted to know that.
**Rachel** (sweet): 
    So, you mind watching it with me?
**Ross**: 
    Let's see, it's Valentine's Day, my girlfriend just dumped me, you're my ex having my baby. I mean: Okay, I'm ready for porn.
**Opening Credits**

Rachel Green
    Jennifer Aniston
Monica Bing
    Courteney Cox Arquette
Phoebe Bouffay
    Lisa Kudrow
Joey Tribbiani
    Matt LeBlanc
Chandler Bing
    Matthew Perry
Ross Geller
    David Schwimmer
Story by
    Christoph Päper

**Next morning (Friday, February 15th 2002). Chandler & Monica's, both in the kitchen.**
**Ross** (rossy): 
     [_comes in_] H-i.
**Chandler & Monica**: 
    G'morning.
**Ross**: 
    Here's your video back. [_passes the tape to Chandler who nearly drops it when trying to catch, puts it away_]
**Chandler**: 
    So _you_ stole it.
**Monica** (embarassed not sure if Ross knows the content of the VHS): 
    Um, well do you want some breakfast, Ross?
**Ross**: 
    Yeah, that would be nice. Somehow all my corn flakes have miraclely gone.
**Monica**: 
     [_prepares food for Ross_]
**Chandler**: 
    So Mona broke up with you, eh? How you feeling?
**Ross**: 
     [_sits down on the kitchen table while Monica gives him a bowl. Eating then._] Somehow I didn't think so much about it, you know, first Joey told me he loves Rachel, then I watched porn with her… Naw, almost forgot Mona -- thanks for reminding me, _Chandler_!
**Monica**: 
     [_sits down across the table, Chandler stands right behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders._] Joey told you?
**Chandler** (quite quiet): 
    You watched _our_ porn with _Rachel_?
**Ross** (disappopinted): 
    Oh, you knew already. Perfect, last to know as always.
**Monica**: 
    So how do you feel?
**Ross**: 
    I dunno.
**Monica**: 
    Will you tell Rachel?
**Ross**: 
    No, I wish, but I promised Joey I won't, and I don't think I've got the right to, neither. If we were in love … It's all so weird…
**Chandler**: 
    What's weird? You living together with your highschool love, ex-girl-friend, ex-drunk-in-Las-Vegas-married-wife, mother of your unborn child and your best friend's having feelings for her? Ask Joey, he knows stuff like that from work.
(_Days of Our Lives that is._)
**Ross**: 
     [_reproachful look at Chandler_] I mean it shouldn't be a problem for me at all. But - You know, if there's a Joey and Rachel … there probably won't be a Ross and Rachel.
**Monica**: 
    So you still love Rachel?
**Ross**: 
    No. I mean y-no, I don't know. I love living with her and I can't await having the baby…, but it's not important at all. Rachel doesn't love me any more.
**Monica**: 
    How do you know?
**Ross**: 
    She keeps telling.
**Chandler**: 
    You mean, like you do?
**Commercials**

**Rachel enters C&M's, Ross is still sitting there.**
**Rachel**: 
    Hi guys! What's up?
**Chandler & Monica**: 
    Hi, Rach!
**Monica**: 
    How's the baby doing?
**Rachel**: 
    Fine, I got to pee all day, but the baby's fine. You remember taking me to antenatal exercises at six, Ross?
**Ross**: 
    Sure. I guess I gotta go to work now. [_Takes a deep breathe. Stands up, going to leave the room._]
**Chandler**: 
    See ya.
**Monica**: 
    Bye.
**Rachel**: 
    Bye daddy.
**Ross**: 
    Bye mommy, bye Melanie. [_leaves_]
**Monica**: 
    Melanie? When did you come up with that?
**Chandler**: 
    Mel G… Hmm,hopefully there's a Spice Girls revival in fifteen years time.
**Rachel**: 
    You know, we were watching this film and there was this actress Melanie and…
**Monica**: 
    Wait! What film? Don't tell me you're naming your child after a porn star, do you?
**Rachel**: 
    Well, no! We actually like that name, both. And it's not like we call her Melanie Mountain.
**Chandler**: 
    Melanie Mountain was in that movie? [_turns to Monica_] I love you.
**Monica**: 
    Valentine's Day is over, sweetie.
**Chandler**: 
    Oh, c'mon.
**Monica**: 
    Don't you have to get to work?
**Chandler**: 
    Work can wait.
**Rachel**: 
    Oh, oh, I gotta go. Last day today. [_leaves_]
(_I really don't know neither which month she is now nor when pregnant women may drop out of work in the US._)

**Afternoon. Central Perk. Joey and Phoebe on the Couch.**
**Joey** (depressed): 
    I told Ross yesterday.
**Phoebe** (on her planet): 
    Huh?
**Joey**: 
    You know, about my feelings for Rachel.
**Phoebe**: 
    Ah, yes. I knew that. How did he react? Did he yell at you?
**Joey**: 
    No, no, he was quite calm. He wanted to know what she said. I told him she didn't knew yet. So he said he needed to sleep on it and asked me to wait to tell Rachel a bit more.
**Phoebe** (upset): 
    You have to tell Rachel immediately!
**Joey** (surprised): 
    What?
**Phoebe**: 
    Don't you see it? He'll fall in love with Rachel again and then you two have to fight to death for her.
**Joey**: 
    But Ross said he isn't in love with her anymore.
**Phoebe** (disparaging): 
    Words!
**Joey**: 
    I don't want to kill Ross.
**Phoebe**: 
    Then go and tell her, so she falls in love with you instead of him.
**Joey**: 
    I can't. And Ross is probably with her.
**Phoebe** (Mr. Evil): 
    Then we must make a plan, so he won't.

**Gym. Couples doing exercises. Ross kneeing behind Rachel on a mat.**
(_I can't write this realistic, as I've never been to such a class, thus I'm only writing the dialogue without the actions._)
**Rachel**: 
    Hey, what's up, daddy?
(_She seems to really like that nickname._)
**Ross**: 
    Nothin'. I was just wondering.
**Rachel**: 
    About what?
**Ross**: 
    Well, what if, no, what when you find a man whom you really like, I mean, live with him .. and our kid. I'll be again that weekend father, like I am already for Ben. But for Ben at least I'm his only father.
**Rachel**: 
    Oh, honey…
**Ross**: 
    No, I'm real. You know there are a lot of men out there, who'd love to be with you.
**Rachel**: 
    That doesn't mean I wanted to be with them too.
**Ross** (mad look): 
    :-(
**Rachel**: 
    Wait, you don't have anyone particular in mind, don't you?
**Ross** (surprised): 
    Er - No!
**Rachel**: 
    You're talking about Gunther, right? I hope you're not serious about his crush, everybody except himself knows that he's gay.
**Ross** (a bit relieved): 
    It doesn't matter whom I meant. The point is that there'll be that man some day.
**Rachel**: 
    That day might be far future, if it ever comes. [_chokes_] Actually, so far, you're the only one I've ever condsidered having children with.
**Ross** (surprised sweet): 
    Really?
**Rachel** (kidding): 
    Well, you and Brad Pitt.
(_If you didn't get this one, ask your girlfriend._)

**Saturday morning. Ross and Rachel's. Ross works with his notebook, Rachel is reading a book about motherhood. Both are wearing comfortable clothes and sitting on the couch.**
(_I like writing Ross and Rachel's, wondering if they refer to it the same._)
**Rachel**: 
    Ross, did you know my breasts will grow by $CORRECTSIZE per cent?
(_That did you know sounds just like Ross._)
**Ross**: 
    Yuh-huh!
(_How do you correctly transscribe this? In German I'd write Ja-ha._)
**Rachel**: 
    _Ross_! [_beats him with the book_]
**Ross**: 
    What? I'm still a man. But did you know that female $DINOSAURs protected their offspring by $BLA?
**Rachel**: 
    Is that what you're working on?
**Ross**: 
    Uh-huh.
**Rachel**: 
    And I thought you were playing Minesweeper.
**Ross** (doggy look): 
    _No-u_. I mean, it's not lunch break yet.
**Rachel**: 
    Ross, it's saturday! You're free to schedule your breaks. Don't be such a jerk.
**Ross**: 
    You know what? You're right. I'm gonna play right now. [_moves mouse, suddenly stops_] No, wait now I'm doing what you want -- we're not married.
**Rachel** (sweet): 
    Rozz.
**Ross**: 
    You wanna play?
**Rachel** (excited): 
    Yes!
[_They start playing and commenting_]
    There., No there., Shit. … [_The phone rings after about 30 secs_]
**Ross**: 
     [_picks up the phone_] Hello? … Yes, she's sitting right next to me. … Yeah? … Why? … Uh-huh … Sure … I'll be there in ten minutes, bye. [_puts down receiver_]
**Ross** (puzzled): 
    That was Phoebe. She wants me to come to her place -- _alone_. She said I'm the only one who could help her, but she won't tell me how, on the phone.
**Rachel**: 
    Sounds like Phoebe. Did she say how long this will take?
**Ross**: 
    No.
**Rachel**: 
    Well, maybe, if it takes longer, there's this phantastic Thai restaurant on her block, maybe you could bring me number 37?
**Ross**: 
    Sure, no prob, after I figured out, what she wants. Okay, I'm leaving then. You got my cellular's number?
**Rachel**: 
    Speed dial 8, and Phoebe is 6. Go! [_waves him away_] I'll just play alone.
**Ross**: 
    Okay, [_grabs coat_] Bye. [_exits_]
**Rachel**: 
    Byebye.

**Phoebe's. Ross just comes in.**
**Ross**: 
    Hi, Pheebs! What's up?
**Phoebe**: 
    Oh, hi, Ross. [_turns away to do some stuff she alreasy did before Ross entered_]
**Ross**: 
    Phoebe!
**Phoebe**: 
    What? Oh, right.
**Ross**: 
    Why did you want me to come over?
**Phoebe**: 
    Oh, yes.
**Ross**: 
    So?
**Phoebe**: 
    See, I watched this documentary on the Discovery Channel and I wanted to know if it's true that the Grand Canyon was made only by that tiny Colorado River?
**Ross**: 
    That's what was so urgent you needed me to come over immediately?
**Phoebe**: 
    Yes!
**Ross**: 
    Well, actually that is true. But only few people know $BORING_STUFF_ABOUT_EROSION [_sits down on a couch_]
**Phoebe**: 
    Uh-huh … Yeah … [_dials behind Ross' back some number, shortly listens if there's a tone then puts down the receiver_] Mhmm … I see.

**Rachel still playing with Ross' PC**
**Rachel**: 
    Yess! That's been your last highscore, Dr. Geller. [_typing, two-finger-system_] R A C H E L Backspace L Enter. [_checks her watch_] Almost lunch time, where's Ross with my food? … How do I turn off this thing? … Recycle Bin, My Computer, Lecture Feb. 20th, Finch the Dinosaur, Lecture Feb… Finch the Dinosaur? What's this, Ross? [_opens the document, reads, smiles_]

**Phoebe's. Ross is still talking, Phoebe listening. We only hear Phoebe's thoughts**
**Phoebe**: 
    Milk, apples, soy milk, and -er- chocolate. He's still talking, nod your head. [_does so_] Good girl. [_smiles_] Thank you, Phoebe. You're welcome. … Maybe I should repaint that wall. Yeah, pink.
(_This is actually a filler scene, which could be anything between 5 seconds or 1 minute long._)

**Ross and Rachel's. Rachel's sitting on the couch the notebook on her lap, reading. Joey comes in.**
**Rachel**: 
    Hi, Joey. What sent you here.
**Joey** (serious): 
    Hi, Rache. I gotta talk to you.
**Rachel**: 
    Hoo? So serious?
**Joey**: 
    Yes. [_sits down, stands up, sits down_] So Ross hasn't told you yet?
**Rachel**: 
    No, I don't know what you're talking about, sweetie.
(_That sweetie obviously discomforts him._)
**Joey**: 
    Look, Rach, well, ah … (dirty) _How you doin'?_
**Rachel** (horrified): 
    **What?**
**Joey** (scared): 
    I love you, Rachel.
**Rachel** (more horrified, yelling): 
    **_What?_**
**Joey**: 
    I-I'm sorry. [_runs out of the door_]
**Rachel** (shocked): 
    Er … … … Joey? Wait!
**Commercials**

**Joey's. Rachel flings open the door.**
**Rachel** (upset): 
    Joey? Joseph Francis Tribbiani! Come here!
**Chandler** (bit down): 
     [_out of Rachel's old room_] He's not here.
**Rachel**: 
     [_goes quickly to the room, flings open the next door, Chandler's there playing with Yasmine and the duck_] Where's that idiot?
**Chandler**: 
     [_lifts shoulders_] I dunno.
**Rachel**: 
    Arrgh! And what are you doing here? No, wait, I don't care. [_quits_]
**Chandler**: 
     [_to the duck who just quacked_] Yes, seems so. Be lucky you don't have those problems. Quack.

**Chandler and Monica's. Rachel comes in. Monica's preparing lunch.**
**Rachel** (still loud): 
    _Is Joey here?_
**Monica** (surprised): 
    No.
(_Why should he?_)
**Rachel**: 
     [_turns around, quits_]
**Monica** (shouting): 
     [_in the door_] You shouldn't run like that!

**Central Perk. Joey's _not_ sitting on the couch.**
**Rachel** (exhausted): 
    Damn bulge. [_heads to the counter where Gunther's standing_] Was Joey here?
**Gunther** (surprised): 
    Yes?
**Rachel**: 
    _Wherrr iss-e?_
**Gunther** (intimidated): 
    Gents Room?
**Rachel**: 
     [_goes to the toilets, few seconds later she comes back pulling Joey on his ear Ow, ow!, sits him on the couch, stands in front of him_] What were you thinking? You _don't_ kid about these things.
**Joey** (quite calm): 
    Okay, Rach, look… Could you sit down, you're making me nervous?
**Rachel**: 
    _I_'m making _you_ nervous? Okay, okay… [_sits down on the couch, then immediately switches to the chair on the right_]
**Joey**: 
    Look, I wasn't kidding. I'm sorry, but I love you. [_Rachel tries to interrupt him_] No, I'm serious about this. I didn't want this to happen, but it did.
**Rachel**: 
    Hubba. No, it didn't.
**Joey**: 
    But it d--
**Rachel** (calm and serious): 
    No, it didn't. Listen, Joey. Love's a thing between two people and I'm _definitely_ not in love with you. We're friends, nothing more.
**Joey**: 
    That's what Phoebe warned me about.
**Rachel**: 
    What?
**Joey**: 
    That you've fallen in love with Ross again.
**Rachel** (surprised): 
    Huh? I'm not in love with Ross either.
**Joey**: 
    Oh yes, you are. Or will. Look what happened between us since you moved in with me.
**Rachel**: 
    Ooh, but this was just roomies' stuff.
**Joey** (disappointed): 
    You really think so?
**Rachel**: 
    Yeah! _And I am not in love with Ross._
**Joey**: 
    But if you don't feel anything for me, there must be someone else you love.
**Rachel**: 
    How come you think so?
**Joey**: 
    Every other girl would have fallen in love with me.
**Rachel** (sorry): 
    Aw, Joey. Just because I'm not in love with you doesn't mean, I'm in love with Ross. I mean I'm having a baby with him, live with him. Though he's really nice these days. [_OMG look_] But, you know he's Ross.
**Joey**: 
    If you say so.
**Rachel**: 
    Will you be okay?
**Joey**: 
    Sure. Somehow.

**Joey's. Chandler's watching TV, the duck and chick are in the other room. Depressed Joey comes in.**
**Chandler**: 
    Hey, Joe! So she didn't quite react as you hoped?
**Joey**: 
    Naw.
**Chandler**: 
    Wanna talk?
**Joey**: 
    No, I'm just gonna sleep.
**Chandler**: 
    Joey, it's not even twelve yet.
**Joey**: 
    And? It's weekend, and it's my weekend.
**Chandler**: 
    You know what? We'll spend this day together. We'll do all that stuff we used to do, but haven't done for so long. I'll just tell Monica, I'm not gonna eat with her.
**Joey**: 
    No, Chandler, I don't think [_Chandler already left_]

**Chandler and Monica's. Monica is placing two dishes on the table. Rachel comes in.**
**Rachel**: 
    Uch!
**Monica**: 
    Uh, you're back! Did you find Joey?
**Rachel**: 
    Yeah, can you believe this: that jerk actually told me he loved me. [_sits down in the kitchen_]
**Monica**: 
    Well…
**Rachel**: 
    You knew? Why didn't you tell me? Am I always the last to know?
**Monica**: 
     [_sitting down_] Funny, Ross reacted much the same.
**Rachel**: 
    Since when does _he_ know?
**Monica**: 
    Thursday, I believe.
**Rachel** (upset): 
    Are you telling me, this dork found out and then watched porn with me instead of telling me?
**Monica**: 
    Hey, he was really mad about this. He wanted to…
**Rachel**: 
    Well, he should!
**Monica**: 
    So it's all his fault then? Again?
**Rachel**: 
    _Sure!_… No. [_nods her head on the table_] My life sucks.
**Monica**: 
     [_putting Rachel's hair away from the dishes_] Aw, honey.
**Rachel**: 
    Then all his talking about me finding the man of my life, he was speaking about Joey? What an idiot!
**Ross**: 
     [_comes in with Thai food_] Hi, here you are.
**Rachel**: 
    My food! My hero!
(_Spontanious change of mood, not uncommon with pregnant women._)
**Ross** (puzzled): 
     [_gives Rachel the food_]
**Monica**: 
    Joey just told her.
**Ross**: 
    Phew, that makes it easier. So you're moving back?
**Rachel** (eating, hardly listening): 
    Hm?
**Ross**: 
    To Joey? You're moving back to him?
**Rachel** (sweet): 
    Aw, Ross, no! I don't love him.
**Ross** (relieved): 
    You don't?
**Rachel** (sweeter): 
    You really did think so?
**Monica**: 
     [_jumps up_] _My chicken!_
**Ross**: 
    I guess, I better get back to my work. [_leaving_]
**Rachel**: 
     [_watches him leaving, sucking in a noodle_]
**Chandler**: 
    Hi-bye, Ross! [_comes in to the front counter, almost whispering:_] Mon, would you be very mad, if I'd eat with Joey, really have to cheer him up.
**Monica** (hurt, but understanding): 
    Sure.
**Chandler**: 
    I love you. [_kiss; looking to Rachel, who bolts down the last Thai pieces_] Maybe those two are still hungry.
**Rachel**: 
    Oh, hi Chandler, haven't notice you.
**Chandler**: 
    It's okay. [_leaves_]

**Collage mainly at Joey's. Music: ?**
(_Anyone knows a suitable song?_)
Joey & Chandler: [_pizza; chick and duck; foosball; TV; strip club; rooftop_]

**Monica and Chandler's again. Monica and Rachel.**
**Monica**: 
    So you're still hungry?
**Rachel**: 
    Don't ask, judged by appetite Joey must be Melanie's father.
**Monica**: 
    Chicken al orange?
**Rachel**: 
    Yeah, whatever.
**Monica**: 
     [_serving the meal_]
**Rachel**: 
    You won't believe what your brother did.
**Monica**: 
     [_sits down_] C'mon, Rache, he didn't do anything wrong. [_they start eating_]
**Rachel**: 
    No, it's actually very sweet: [_swallows_] He's writing a book for kids.
**Monica** (laughing): 
     [_she almost swallows the wrong way_] _Ross?_
**Rachel**: 
    Yeah! It's all about this little dinosaur, Finch, and he has all these cute adventures about right or wrong, friendship, love.
**Monica**: 
    And you're saying my older geeky brother, Ross Geller, doctor of paleontology writes this stuff? -- Are we talking about the same person?
**Rachel**: 
    I knowww!
(_Ain't that Monica's words?_)
**Monica**: 
    I cannot believe _that_.
**Rachel**: 
    But it's true, it's all on his laptop.
**Monica**: 
    He allowed you to touch his laptop?
**Rachel**: 
    Well, yeah. We played Minesweeper.
**Monica**: 
    Wow, he never let me touch anything electronic, that belonged to him. He watched you while you read it, right?
**Rachel**: 
    No! Actually he doesn't even know I know about it… And don't tell him.
**Monica**: 
    Oh! Will _you_ tell him?
**Rachel**: 
    I don't know. I haven't read it all yet.
**Monica**: 
    How much is there?
**Rachel**: 
    I'd already read three short stories when Joey interrupted me and there were a lot more, I think around 20.
**Monica**: 
    Oh my god, do you know where the name Finch comes from?
**Rachel**: 
    No!?
**Monica**: 
    Don't ever tell him you knew it from me, but, I just remembered, Finch is the name of his imaginary childhood friend.
**Rachel** (giggling): 
    Ross had an imaginary friend?
**Monica**: 
    Yeah!
**Rachel**: 
    When?
**Monica**: 
    Um, if I remember correctly till he was eleven.
**Rachel**: 
    And what kinda guy was Finch?
**Monica**: 
    No, I can't tell you that.
**Rachel**: 
    Oh, Monica, please.
**Monica**: 
    No, I can't. You should ask Ross one day.
**Rachel**: 
    Please.
**Monica**: 
    Okay, one hint, but that's all I'm gonna say: Rock'n'Roll [_stupid looking Rachel, little pause, where both just eat_] Gosh, I really want to read that stories. Do you think there's a chance he'll show us?
**Rachel**: 
    I don't think so. I don't have any idea how long he's writing it neither.
**Monica**: 
    Couldn't you print it out, so I could read it?
**Rachel**: 
    I don't know, his computer remains at work most days.
**Monica**: 
    I see, but if you ever have a chance again, don't forget my copy.
**Rachel**: 
    Sure. And then you'll tell me all about the other Finch.
**Monica** (unsure): 
    O-kay.

**Roof of the house. Chandler and Joey, beer, lying on sun-benches. (It's still February!)**
**Joey** (quite drunk): 
    I missed that.
**Chandler** (ditto): 
    Me too. So you feeling any better now?
**Joey**: 
    Yeah, kind of. Little cold.
**Chandler**: 
    Want another beer? [_offering him_]
**Joey**: 
    Sure! [_takes it_] I believe you could see their appartment from up here.
**Chandler** (sorry): 
    Joe…
**Joey**: 
    No, it's okay. It'll just take some time.
**Chandler**: 
    Want to spit onto the street?
**Joey** (excited): 
    Okay! [_They do it_]
**Commercials**

**Ross and Rachel's. Evening. Together on sofa ready to watch TV.**
**Ross**: 
    Are you sure you don't want to watch anything else.
**Rachel**: 
    I'm fine as long as you fulfill your part of the deal.
**Ross**: 
    Sure! [_She lifts her feet, he begins to massage them_]
**Rachel**: 
    Aw, that's on good thing.
**Ross**: 
    You know, I'd do this even without our deal.
**Rachel**: 
    I hope you don't expect me to say now, I'd watched this German film with you, even if you didn't rub my feet.
**Ross**: 
    Oh, c'mon. I thought you liked City of Angels, Wings of Desire is the original. I was told it's much better than the Hollywood version.
(_Actually it's Der Himmel über Berlin_)
**Rachel**: 
    But it's subtitled.
**Ross**: 
    You can read.
**Rachel**: 
    And you _can_ write.
**Ross**: 
    What? What do you mean?
**Rachel** (hiding): 
    Nothing. Start the video.
**Ross**: 
    No, honestly, what did you mean?
**Rachel** (surprised by her own openness): 
    Love, said Finch's mom Love is all you need. But how will I know that I found love? Finch asked. Whenever you find it you'll know. Always listen to your heart, my dear, your heart is the only one who'll never lie to you, who'll never abandon you.
**Ross** (discomfortable): 
    Oh. [_looks away_]
**Rachel**: 
    That's so beautiful, Ross.
(_selfpraise no honour_)
**Ross** (shy): 
     [_carefully turning his head back_] Really?
**Rachel** (sweet): 
    Yes, sure. I loved it and I really wish I could read all your Finch stories.
**Ross**: 
    You haven't?
**Rachel**: 
    Only three so far, I were somehow interrupted.
**Ross**: 
    Finch Seas the Sea?
**Rachel** (irritated): 
    No.
**Ross**: 
    Phew.
**Rachel**: 
    Why 'Phew!'?
**Ross**: 
    It's only that it's not suitable to be read by yo-anyone.
**Rachel** (earnest): 
    Ross, what does your heart tell you to do?
**Ross**: 
    It doesn't speak right now, it's busy fighting the brain.
**Rachel**: 
    … One of the two hearts in my body already loves you, Ross.
**Ross**: 
    And the other one?
**Rachel**: 
    Knows only your voice yet. [_Their faces are nearing each other_]
**Ross**: 
     [_faces are still about 40 cm apart_] We can't, Rache.
**Rachel**: 
    I know. But I want it so much. [_getting away again_]
**Ross**: 
    We would just blew it again.
**Rachel**: 
    Maybe we should try external help.
**Ross**: 
    What do you mean?
**Rachel**: 
    Phoebe told me about a friend of hers, who is a counselor for couples, maybe I should call her.
**Ross**: 
    Do you think that's a good idea? Telling a completely stranger our whole history?
**Rachel**: 
    If that is what it takes for us and for Melanie to get a somehow normal life, I'm willing to do it.
**Ross**: 
    Then let's try it.
**Rachel** (teary): 
    Could we please start watching the movie now? Otherwise I fear I'm gonna kiss you.
**Ross**: 
     [_grabs the remote control_] Are you sure you still want to watch _that_ film.
**Rachel**: 
    As long as it's not about us.

**Couple counselor's bureau. Ross and Rachel enter, Dr. Elaine Thomas is sitting behind her desk.**
(_If you didn't like Ally McBeal's first two seasons, you'd probably not like this scene._)
**Dr. Thomas**: 
    Hello, you must be the Greens. [_stands up to greet them_]
**Ross**: 
     [_discomfort look_] No.
**Dr. Thomas** (puzzled): 
    Oh! Then go, I've a meeting with the Greens now. Come back later. Make a date with my secretary.
**Rachel**: 
    Actually I'm Rachel Green, we talked on the phone. -- Phoebe Buffay's friend?
**Dr. Thomas**: 
    Yeahyeah. Remembering. And who are you then?
**Ross**: 
    I'm Ross, Ross Geller.
**Dr. Thomas**: 
    Oh, then you're not married. I'm sorry I'm a marriage consultant. Go! [_ turns away towards her desk_]
(_Hey, I had more problems writing Phoebe's lines than hers. I thought of giving Phoebe the doctor part, but couldn't think of any good plot for that._)
**Ross**: 
    Well, we're divorced.
**Rachel**: 
     [_reproachful look at Ross_]
**Dr. Thomas**: 
    And you're the father? [_Ross shyly nods._] Okay, that's good enough. Sit!
**Ross**: 
     [_victorious smile and look; all sit down R&R on a couch, the Doc on a big ball in front of them_]
**Dr. Thomas**: 
    _Kiss!_
**Ross & Rachel** (baffled): 
    **_What?_**
**Dr. Thomas**: 
    **Kiss!**
**Ross**: 
    Why?
**Dr. Thomas** (harsh): 
    _Just kiss her! Kiss him!_ [_Nothing happens_] C'mon, you forgot how to do it? [_surprisingly kisses Ross and right after that the speechless Rachel_] Now you. [_still baffled they kiss each other, a short try-out kiss and then a long sweet wet one_] Okay, obviously you still love each other. Remarry! That'll be 200 bucks, all major credit cards accepted. [_shoving the still perplex couple towards the door_] Come back when you've marriage problems. But you won't. Damn. I hate lobsters. Recommend me. Bye. Next! [_closes the door behind them_]

**Dr. Thomas' anteroom. Her secretary's there.**
Ross & Rachel: 
    [_stare at the closed door_]
**Dr. Thomas' secretary**: 
    She's good, isn't she? And fast.
Ross & Rachel: 
    [_slowly turn around, to look at each other, suddenly there's this sparkle again and they kiss_]
(_Yes, I did it, as in almost any R&R-fanfic, they're somehow back together. Hate me. But there might happen anything the next episodes to tear them apart again._)
**Closing Credits**

Gunther
    James Michael Tyler
Dr. Elaine Thomas
    Calista Flockhart
Dr. Thomas' Secretary
    Sean Hayes
Finch the Dinosaur (voice)
    David Schwimmer"

**Animated comic with Finch the Dinosaur. Prehistorical prairie, despite being a comic quite accurate. Finch is a Brontosaurus or the like. Music: Emilia - Kiss by Kiss**
Finch: 
    [_singing along the chorus, Finch walks through the grass, when the camera finally lifts up to a bird's view, you can see, that he has stomped a heart into the ground._]
**End Credits**

_I'm sorry for not giving Phoebe more lines -- I'm doing just like the real authors do. Actually it feels like Rachel is in every given scene, that's because I wanted to resolve that triangle around her. I think this is what we've to expect for the real 816 - TOW Joey Tells Rachel, too, but Ross and Rachel won't come as close as in my fanfic, yet. Hope you enjoyed it anyway. I only wish I could come up with more stories for the other 4. Maybe I'll extend the ep later, readding the Chandler and Monica quarrel or detailing best buddies stuff._

Christoph Päper, christoph@paeper.de 


End file.
